I learn how to anyam

Weaving thatched roofing

This was one of those things that just well, happened. The moment I stood on Malaysian soil again I had this overflowing restlessness within me to do something, anything. I guess that's just one of the many traits of an unschooler, being in a dormant state of not continuously learning makes me rather fidgety and it also makes me say yes to any activity that happens to stumble upon my path.

And one of them was following Fai, that's the 11 year old brother of mine, to his bushcraft classes conducted weekly in Gombak by the orang asli. 

The finished woven thatched roofing made out of bertam leaves

We did our fair share of starting fires with the bow drill technique, cooking hill rice wrapped in large leaves and stuffed into bamboo stalk filled with water over the fire we had just made, learning how to swing a machete or parang properly, identifying edible ferns and mushrooms or that specific leaf to wrap around a wound to stop it from bleeding excessively or the correct trees and listening (Or at least straining to do so with the embarrassingly minimal knowledge I have.) to the orang asli ramble on about the history this particular village had with the British that had brought tribes from all over Malaysia together or how much the rain forest means to them and how they want everyone to hopefully experience the beauty of it before it ebbs away.

  But I was absolutely hooked on weaving the thatched roofs out of bertam leaves, I guess I just have a tendency to be that little teeny bit more interested in anything that falls into the arts & craft category even if it's not very artistic at all since it's just remembering the steps to that same repetitive pattern over and over again.  

At the following bushcraft session I was passed a bertam leaf to weave as an evaluation test if I could proceed to learn slightly more advanced weaving techniques with the orangasli mothers and the week after I found myself sitting on the front porch of the weaver's house with a bundle of dried mengkuang leaves.

Overly excited Karen learning basic anyaman

And that's how weaving traditional Semai craft made it's way into my weekly routine. I'd leave home at nine in the morning to head to Gombak and have the best roti canai and limau ais ever for breakfast at the kedai next door then head down the steep mismatched steps to the weaver's house to immerse myself in a day of non-stop back breaking weaving. I really am amazed at how these women can spend hours bending over the mat they're weaving without any discomfort whatsoever, the wooden wall of her porch is undeniably my best friend after the first two hours. Now I'm just slightly concerned about the physical state I'll be in within the next twenty years or so.

The weaver's daughter in the background

Weaving would be such a dull activity (No, it wouldn't) if it weren't for the weaver's daughter who finds this Chinese Kakak who's learning how to weave with her Mom incredibly fascinating. During the first session she'd run her fingers through my hair and comment on how panjang it is and when I replied with a 'no, I'm not married'  to her 'Kakak sudah kahwin?' question she made the most hilarious game over sound after staring at me with huge confused 5 year old eyes. Then she mumbled something about how it might be a little too late for me to scout for a suami now and trailed off with a tsk tsk kesianye.

Tucking the ends in using a porcupine's quill

Starting off was definitely a challenge since it was a lot more complicated than weaving with large bertam leaves and it took a good few hours before I could see the pattern in anything, it looked like nothing more than a mess of intertwined mengkuang leaves and the mid section was all I could do during the first lesson since the starting, corners and ends formed a never ending stream of question marks in my head.

Luckily I had a wonderfully patient teacher that didn't mind demonstrating techniques multiple times and after another lesson or two I could make bookmarks, bracelets, mats and small bags! 

Cutting thorns off a fresh mengkuang leaf

Last week instead of a full day of weaving I had the opportunity to learn how to prepare the mengkuang leaves that were growing right behind the weaver's house for weaving and I had it in mind that it was a tedious process but as I went through it step by step it had made me realize that the bundle of mengkuang leaves that were already prepared for me at the start of every lesson probably took a day to make, and that's excluding soaking it over night or dyeing.

How to prepare mengkuang leaves for weaving:

                                      1. Harvest leaves from the shrubs and remove all 

                                      thorns from the sides and middle part of the leaf with 

                                      a sharp knife

                                      2. Remove moisture from the leaf by gently pulling it 

                                      through a small fire, you'll see the leaf turn into a darker

                                      green once the moisture is removed.  

                                       3. Soften the leaf the moment it's off the fire by running it 

                                       between your thumb and index finger, might result in

                                       slightly burnt fingers. 

                                       4. Remove the central vein of the leaf and cut into thinner 

                                       strips with a sharp knife.

                                       5. Bundle the leaves together and soak it overnight.

                                       6. Air dry leaves and soak it once again in batik dye 

                                       overnight. Unfortunately natural dyes aren't used.

                                       7. Air dry leaves till fully dry. 

It's been immensely fascinating learning one of the dying traditional crafts of Malaysia and to be able to spend time with such humble yet generous people. Thank you for guiding me on this journey and opening my eyes to the unseen beauty of the lands, people and culture of Malaysia.

6 Everyday Ecuadorian things through the eyes of a Malaysian

Photo credits: happinessplunge.com

One of the main reasons why I adore travelling is simply that particular moment when I step out of the airport knowing that there's going to be a whole new undiscovered chunk of land waiting for me to explore, to meet it's people, to listen to it's stories and to experience such an incredibly different way of life. 

As an exchange student living in Quito, Ecuador for eight months through a youth exchange program, I was given the opportunity to do just that. Now that I've experienced what it was like to immerse myself entirely in a foreign country (I lived with two Ecuadorian host families and attended a small local school.), travelling just isn't simply visiting the overly crowded tourist attractions anymore because sitting under an overly large rainbow coloured umbrella and chattering away with three elderly indigenous women that sell home-grown potatoes at morning market in a small town for a living is just that much more inspiring. What could possibly beat heading home later that day with heart warming stories of how satisfied they are with their simple yet meaningful lives, a few new Quechua words to add to the list and a bag of their best produced they insisted you take home without charge.

During the beginning of my exchange I kept an ever growing list of things that were a little different from what I was used to back home in Malaysia in a small flimsy notebook, and being in a completely new country almost everything that was around me seemed to have made it's way onto that list but over time they had gotten so normal that I rarely took note of it anymore. Just earlier this week I had to create a thirty minute long (It ended up lasting for a little over an hour.) presentation about my exchange experience in Ecuador which reminded me about that notebook I have buried between stacks of souvenirs that I still hadn't unpacked despite being home for a month.       

Leafing through that notebook left me in fits of laughter as I recalled how bewildered I was when I had first seen or experienced those things, so I thought it would be a fairly good idea to share these amongst fellow Malaysians that may or may not be thinking of visiting the small equatorial country, Ecuador.

1. Being Malaysian I absolutely love my food, I mean what's there not to like? We cook up the most mouthwatering dishes around which we devour around the clock, you know the usual thosai, maggi goreng and teh tarik for breakfast, kway teow th'ng for brunch, the storm mother goose cooked up for lunch, nasi goreng kampung for tea, another home cooked meal for dinner and roti canai for supper and the feeling of utter satisfaction afterwards is nothing less than perfection. Okay maybe not all Malaysians are greedy enough to consume six meals a day and that's just me, oh what a glutton I am. 

On the other hand you pretty much stick to the three main meals per day principal in Ecuador and it was pretty shocking observing how my host parents and siblings head out the door after a slice of toast with mozzarella cheese and a small cup of coffee or warm milk. The heaviest meal of the day is lunch and we usually start off with soup, then rice, stewed beans, steak and salad and followed by some sort of dessert. And dinner is almost always a bowl of soup that usually has diced cheese, stir fried corn kernels and popcorn added to it or sometimes nothing at all, it really felt as though they were on some meticulous diet.  

Unfortunately I never grew used to it and during most weekends when I didn't have to be up at 6 am for school I'd spend a few extra minutes in the kitchen making myself a hearty bowl of mun yee mee, fruits from the basket in the kitchen would vanish in no time since I was snacking constantly and I usually had to prepare something extra for dinner.

Cheese was so readily available in the kitchen, I spent the first two months binging on cheese like there was no tomorrow since cheese in Malaysia is worth it's weight in gold (No, not really but still.) and too much of a good thing obviously had a negative effect, on the third month I didn't even want to look at that pale yellow diary block and lots of odd stares were received when I requested to have my sandwich without cheese and definitely no chunks of melted cheese in my soup, please.

Also the salt shaker had a permanent spot on the dining table, the rule of thumb probably is "No matter how salty the dish is, it clearly needs more salt.". 

Overall, Ecuadorian food isn't as wacky as you'd envision it to be. I did try cuy (Roasted guinea pig) once though and it's delicious.

2. This is the view I had of the Tungurahua volcano when I was visiting the busy town of Ambato which is famous for it's delicious freshly baked bread, and the local produce of fruit and flowers. This is kind of your typical everyday landscape in the Ecuadorian highlands, at every direction you turn your head to there's just another mountain or volcano which I found fascinating when I drove back to my first host family's house for the first time from the airport. On most clear days I had the perfect view of the snow topped Cotopaxi volcano from my bedroom window.

According to the locals I've spoken to, hopefully they're of a reliable source, they claim constructing buildings over a certain height is prohibited by the government simply because it might interfere with the view both locals and tourists would have of the rolling mountains and numerous volcanoes. 

The view of the night lights of Quito and the sun setting over the mountains was and still is one of those things that has never failed to take my breath away. It's one of those moments where your mind is focused on nothing else but it's beauty and you just walk a little slower, feeling your hair dance to the rhythm of the gentle evening breeze and appreciating the fact that you're actually in Ecuador.

3. Yep, these are the 10-15 ft walls that surrounded the house I lived in for a couple of months with my wonderful second host family and yes, that's an electrical fence on top of those walls that has got a built in alarm system. There were also security cameras on every wall, recording every nook and cranny of the house. I had read about the high walls that surrounded a large majority of the houses in Ecuador but seeing them standing right before me was something else. 

During my exchange I took buses around town daily and walked alone countless times, and those walls were a constant reminder of just how the danger of living in a South American country is pretty darn real and that I should be downright thankful that all I had lost was my wallet (Containing my entire monthly allowance!) during a long jam packed bus ride to the north of Quito.

Photo credits: imgur.com

4. Women's jeans in Ecuador have no back pockets! Unless of course you shop for a pair in a posh store at Quicentro. 

And most don't have front pockets as well now that I think of it, just fake front pockets if you're lucky. I did a good amount of my necessary clothes shopping on the bustling streets of Quito like any low to average income local since it was more affordable as they were probably manufactured locally (Or imported directly from a Chinese factory.) and when in Rome do as the Romans do, so before long I'd like to think I dressed similarly to your average Ecuadorian female. Think a decent amount of make up, sweater or a jacket over a dressy top, ahem pocketless jeans and leather boots. And maybe a scarf.

One of the little things that I've been missing about living Quito is it's perfect cool, dry weather as it entitles you with the freedom to dress up in layers (Something I have always longed to do because you'll end up with outfits that look more put together, in my opinion at least.) and brush a little more make up on your face since it doesn't slide off your face in 0.5 seconds like it does with the sticky, humid Malaysian climate.

If only I could adorn myself with my Ecuadorian leather jacket again but that's just not happening, like that phase I went through when I was fourteen and wanted to be a bohemian style fashion blogger and then snapping back to reality realizing I can't afford to buy all the pieces to create the outfits I had so perfectly envisioned. What an upsetting day that was.  

Photo credits: weegs.wordpress.com

5. I'll never forget how astonished I was when I was driving around the valley, I lived in Valle de Los Chillos, sometime during my first week of exchange with my host mom and we pulled over by the traffic lights and suddenly there was just a stampede of energetic backpackers juggling swords and twirling ribbons hoping to earn a little more to be able to continue their adventures, weary indigenous women with babies strapped to their backs selling everything from hammocks to newspapers to avocados and little kids equipped with a bucket of soapy water and a squeegee yelling at the top of their lungs if anyone would like their cleaned. I never would have thought stopping by traffic lights could be quite so entertaining, and this happens at almost all traffic lights, it's just not something that you'd be able to miss.

Bus rides are much more fun too with the occasional duo armed with their guitars and melodic voices or that old lady that carries a basket filled with individually packed chifles, chulpi, mani and other goodies but my favourite bus rides have to be those long distance ones where the bus passes through the tiniest villages and the busiest cities and at every stop vendors would board the bus with that specific food or snack that they're known for. It's like taking a foodie trip around the town without even having to leave your seat. 

And now I'm craving some creamy helados de salcedo. Mmm. Just a little note, Salcedo is quaint town located in the Cotopaxi province (They're called provinces instead of states in Ecuador.) that's famous for it's creamy, fruity handmade ice cream and whenever I travelled around the highlands I'd always look forward to that stop for obvious reasons.

 6. Milk and yoghurt are sold in plastic bags instead of cartons and bottles which was definitely something I had never seen before, the closest thing we have to those here in Malaysia are probably shampoo or soap refills and they even have these special jugs that contain these bags so all you've got to do is snip off a corner and voila! Pretty clever huh.

Oh Ecuador, it's been interesting getting to know you.

Un abrazo!

10 Things you'd experience as an exchange student in Ecuador

Here's to Momma goose who has been continuously not so subtly prodding me to start blogging again, I love you.

Hola ol' blank blog composing page and to everyone who's reading this, I'M HOME! I'm just going to start off where I had abandoned the whole blogging scene almost a year ago when I wrote about my pre-exchange nerves, which all seem so foreign now since I've been back in Malaysia for a little over a month now and instead of dealing with pre-exchange nerves I'm now struck with post-exchange syndrome. That's definitely a proper medical term.

It's as though you're experiencing a second exchange, life with your real family (During my exchange it was near impossible to refer to my family as simply "my family" when you've got at least two host families. After time even your subconscious labels them "real family", "host family #1" and "host family #2". So yeah, that's stuck now) seems almost foreign and daily routines aren't normal anymore but slightly odd. 

And left your average white 15 ft high fortress picket fence family with three kids and a dog to return to my slightly unsettled (We now spend half our week residing in our apartment in the highlands and the other half at our beach house), weird and proud family who unschools their six kids. I can assure you that it was an extremely drastic change.

It's fascinating how living in a routine of complete normality, by normality I mean living with a normal family and actually sitting down in a classroom with teachers that drones on and on with a painfully monotonous voice (Okay, I'll have to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed chemistry.) from 8 am - 2 pm from Monday to Friday with a class of eighteen Ecuadorian teens that blast reggaeton through portable speakers box during recess, just living the average Ecuadorian teenager's life. Okay, schooled in Ecuador vs being unschooled post needs to be written. As I was saying it does fascinate me how those meagre eight months away from home made me capable of viewing the life I have here from a more or less complete outsider's point of view. I left Malaysia last year as a sixteen year old unschooler who was driven by caking and art and came home as a seventeen year old Ecuadorian schoolgirl who wanted to book another plane ticket the moment she step foot in the Malaysian airport because there are just so many places see and new people to meet. 

Yes, it was a complete waste of luggage space to bring my caking toolbox and art supplies along since finding ingredients to make gum paste was impossible and art is a pretty solitary activity recreational activity which wasn't my highest priority since I was in a new country with a completely foreign language to hopefully become fluent in, locals to befriend, places to be astonished by and wacky cultures to absorb.     

The last month of mine was spent painstakingly trying to merge these two sides of the same person together, despite the Father's advice about leaving who I was back in Ecuador behind and being my somewhat pre-exchange self again. 

I'd like to think that I've gotten my old habits back and made room for a few new ones, I feel that my happy music would remain reggaeton for the foreseeable future, El perdon by Nicky Jam por siempre. It's been hilarious attempting to switch from Spanish back to Malay and Chinese, I have come to believe that the section of my brain that controls the second language I speak has become undeniably faulty. 

So here's a pretty list of incidences:

1. I bumped into a middle aged Malay woman when I stepped into the lift of the KLIA airport and said "Perdon, estas bien?"
2. My Dad dropped me off to buy a loaf of bread and after handing the cashier a RM5 bill he said "Adakah dua puluh lima sen?" (Do you have twenty five cents?) and I replied with "No, yo no tengo vienticinco centavos, solo tengo diez." (No, I don't have twenty five cents, I only have ten.). His face of utter confusion was hilarious.
3. Those countless times when I had realized mid word that I'm using the wrong language "Hol- err hi!" or "Graci- no wait, terima kasih!".
4. Since I've forgotten a large chunk of my Malay vocabulary, and it wasn't even that impressive before, I now insert Spanish words in place of the Malay words I had forgotten and speak extremely fast hoping no one would catch it. I might just have a foreign accent or something ya know. How did I ever think this was a good idea.
5. Then there was the day right after I had gotten back home and went to the local mamak stall for breakfast and ordered "Una agua sejuk y maggi goreng".  

Anyway I'm a caking fanatic once again, my nights are spent leafing through my slightly dusty collection of baking and cake decorating books, during my exchange I had taken an immense liking towards tiramisu and cheesecakes (I used to dislike them with a passion.) and earlier this week I stumbled across a recipe for the perfectly delectable baked cheesecake. Score. 

Also Cake Challenge Malaysia 2015 is coming up, and the excitement is slowly rising because how could I possibly not be ecstatic about investing long hours cooped up in my cake room and creating the most extravagant wedding cake these hands are capable of? And I've finally gotten myself an account on pinterest, on the first night I was literally up till 4am scrolling through magnificently inspiring baroque art pieces that could be turned into sugar goodies. I'm feeling very much like middle aged woman who has just gotten introduced to the magical powers of the internet.

 My wanderlust prayers were answered too, I was accepted into this ahem, "exclusive" (They probably just wanted to make us all feel special and loved. Hoorah.) sustainability camp in Langkawi I'll be flying off sometime next week and since it was more affordable to fly a day before and a few days after, I'm readying myself for more solo adventures. 

Okay, I'll save the current adventures for another time and it's truly amazing to be back home but without further adieu, here's my response to the ten things I had envisioned to experience during my exchange.   

1. Sometimes your host family's house doesn't have an address and getting yourself home can be tricky.

Unfortunately I didn't have the opportunity to visit a nameless street, both my host families had a nice green signboard nailed on the wall of the first house on the street though I did happen to be in numerous cabs who's drivers had no idea whatsoever where the house was so I definitely learnt how to direct them to my host family's place quick.

2. You wouldn't understand a single word uttered in class no matter how many years you've              been studying the Spanish language. 

When I arrived in Ecuador I had only been familiar with the language for about two months and I was confident that I'd be able to converse with the people around me, I mean I did pass every level in the DuoLingo app, I didn't go through all that memorizing for nothing right? 

The moment I landed in Ecuador that confidence I had prior to my exchange vanished completely, I could understand every other word and being able to tell my host sister's boyfriend "yo tengo tres hermanos menores, yo soy la mayor." was such a massive accomplishment that I went to bed that night with a grin plastered on my face. And it was pretty much the same situation once school started a week after, needless to say there was a lot of dozing off and writing endless diary entries during the first two months.

3. There's going to be a language camp in a 5 star resort in Mompiche, where you're apparently going to speak more English than Spanish. Also Germans make up half the exchange students and the Taiwanese are the only Asian exchange students, not that it matters.

There were a total of exactly five asians, including myself in Ecuador (The other Taiwanese exchange student lived by the coast and the language camp was separated into two groups, those that live in the highlands and those by the coast.) and there were around maybe.. Fifty Germans, at every meet up there was a definite 100% chance that you'll be hearing the German language. 

Language camp was an incredible experience in a stunning resort with a free flow of food, it was the first time that I had ever met such a huge bunch of exchange students and I don't believe much Spanish was learnt at all despite the three Spanish classes we had scheduled daily. 

4. Concerts are realllly affordable. 

Well, we had James Blunt in Quito in March and KISS shortly afterwards but I'm not fans of either of them in any way and $50 is just way too much for an exchange student with a monthly allowance of $80 so concerts are definitely out of the question.

5. Ecuadoreans throw parties every weekend.

Oh this one is as true as it gets, if you like partying South America is the place for you. A house isn't a house unless it's equip with 4 ft tall floorstanding speakers that blast reggaeton so loud even your heart dances perreo and lots and lots of zhumir. And that photo above was taken in an open air party bus during Halloween where I cross dressed, what a beautiful first Halloween experience. 

6. You're probably going to be a Latino dance expert by the end of your exchange. 

No, not really. I'm still as awkward of a dancer as I always was, I enjoy dancing, always have but the sight of me dancing probably looks like a disorientated giraffe flailing it's limbs all over the place. 

I did however attend zumba classes twice a week and it was the absolute best.

7. Football is a thing. Duh.

Duh.

8. Anything that isn't manufactured or grown locally is priced sky high. (Side note: I may return  draped in llama wool, topped a woven straw hat and requesting for cuy.)

Clothes in general was unreasonably expensive due to the taxes the government places on imported apparel, alpaca wool sweaters and straw hats weren't any cheaper since they are kept at tourist price. But who needs new tshirts anyway when you can wear the same six tshirts under that new Ecuadorian leather jacket you had bought for only $25? 

Oh and fret not if you want to shop on a budget, there are some pretty chevere thrift stores in Quito.

9. Don't expect high speed wifi and the connection has got some major mood swings.

I guess this is one of the perks of living in the capital where it's slightly more developed, so the connection you've got to the internet is great, just as long as you're at the specific spot right above the stairs, sitting on the chequered couch.

10. Sometimes there's no hot water to shower with.

See that tank of gas right there? That's what's supplying you with hot water and somehow electrical heaters aren't all that popular in Ecuador so every time you step into the shower knowing that it's been some time since the tank has last been refilled there's always that feeling of dread that you'd be in the midst of getting the suds out and poof, you're left with freezing cold water while showering on a chilly night. Again.

Besos!

The pre-exchange II

The past few days have been a whirlwind of bittersweet feelings, feelings I never thought I'd experience, especially since I've always wanted to go on an exchange but there's definitely something about saying goodbye to the life that you've lived for all those years in routine and comfort. 

On Thursday I attended my last Chinese ink painting and watercolor class at the MIA extra mural studies center, it's a beautiful old bungalow occupied by the some very passionate teachers and hobby artists and it's located right smack in the hustle and bustle of KL which proved to be very soul satisfying since I could spend my lunch breaks getting lost in freshly printed books in Kinokunia as it was a mere five minute walk away. I enrolled myself in their courses only because I had time to kill as I was just a few months away from departing for my exchange and I couldn't work on any long term projects, so the courses that they offered seemed like the perfect way to spend the remaining months I had. 

Over the last four months I had grown to love being in a classroom like environment again, what made me love it even more was the fact that the students were of all ages, each class conceived of less than ten people on most days and the teachers would tutor every student personally, which meant that there were advance students that have been attending their courses for years and were working on massive projects and there would always be a new face around but everyone in the classroom bonded on one common ground, art, and those two hours were sometimes the most uplifting of my week. Ideas would be thrown around, thoughts on the latest artists or exhibitions would fill the air, intense discussions on where to get the most affordable art supplies were initiated. 

There truly isn't anything like being in an environment where you truly belong, where the way you look, the clothes on your back and the place that you're from doesn't matter. All that matters is your love for art, how spiffy you happen to be with your art medium or maybe you just know where to get a high quality horse hair paintbrush for RM2. It's a place where you indeed, feel beautiful as is. 

And I'm going to miss walking through those doors every Thursday but to me, being an exchange student means possessing the ability to once again discover places in which you belong, just halfway around the world. 

Now that I've got a whole lot more free time on my hands I've gone full throttle on catching up with craft, reading and more or less everything that I haven't had the time to immerse myself in with my prioritized activities but since they've been called off, well, it's time to indulge.

 

The most recent obsession (My obsessions have got a very high turnover.) of mine has been t-shirt painting, it's something I had dabbled in before but unfortunately didn't take much interest in since I found it tiresome because it took too long to paint a simple outline and it was just plain frustrating not being able to achieve a clean cut line, my strokes always turned out a little fuzzy. 

I only decided to work it out since I've really been into bands and obviously craved for their merchandise, only to discover that I couldn't afford it, so I resolved to painting the merchandise myself. Since then I've painted every single one of my plain tops in my wardrobe and I'm not entirely sure if I should be proud of myself for improving the overall state of my clothing or disappointed because I haven't been able to control my urge to splash paint over everything.

It's funny how everything I get into always does fall back to art, it's almost like I revolve around it.

On the final note, I can't help feeling a little ill prepared about my departure or maybe this is just the slightly overwhelmed bit of my mind speaking as it usually does when what used to be far from reach nears to the point where you suddenly snap back into reality and realize that it's no longer a far fetched dream.

31 DAYS.

The pre-exchange

Just a few days back I never would have thought that I would revert back to blogging since I had my mind set on starting up the long procrastinated youtube channel, I had been meaning to start vlogging for years but once I had the courage to actually start filming the first video I realized that there's a lot more to it than having an interesting video that's filmed in a decently lit setup, there was editing, background music (Yes, I'm a perfectionist like that) and having to wait hours for it to upload.

Long story short, after having gone through the entire process I've decided that it probably wasn't worth all that effort and I wouldn't want to spend hours facing a screen during my exchange year in Ecuador because I'm not going to want to regret not soaking up enough South American vibes and living in the present. Yes, this is me telling myself that it is okay to not document my exchange too much and as much as I now despise blogging, as I've witnessed just how much more intense and personal stories seem to sound through a video format, how it captures emotions perfectly, I'll endure this slightly backward path.

Well, being someone with incredibly low self-esteem, I am relieved that I wouldn't have to experience anxious fits when I upload a video but I can't help feeling overwhelming guilty about not being able to bring myself to hop over such a small yet terrifying hurdle. The overly circulated quote "What if I fall? oh, but my darling, what if you fly?" seems oddly relevant just about now.

The past few months have been a blur of scurrying around in a decapidated chicken like manner to prepare the necessities that are required for me to bring over and since Rotary has never sent a Malaysian exchange student over to Ecuador there was a lot of uncertainty and none of those in change of the youth exchange sector really understood what procedures to take. 

So there was a lot of assumptions and frustration being scattered around mainly due to the legal matters like apply for the certification of good conduct for the incoming exchange student's host families and the extremely tedious process of applying for my one year visa, not to mention that we weren't told prior to confirming that I had to have an "open return date" flight ticket which happens to cost an exorbitant sum of dosh, needless to say, my Dad wasn't the happiest of fellows. 

Then there was purchasing gifts for my host families, frantically shopping for warm clothing since the average temperature in Quito is ten degrees Celsius and my wardrobe conceives mainly of loose fitting tank tops and shorts, hunting for a durable suitcase that didn't have zips since becoming an accidental drug trafficker was a major concern and this isn't even a quarter of the "to get" list.

Not wanting to step into the exchange program without any knowledge about what may happen, I've been doing a fair share if research and by research I really do mean going borderline insane trying to locate as many blogs of rotex (Ex-rotary youth exchange students) that had Ecuador as their host country. At least I'm now the slightest bit more content and in a less fidgety state having known what I may experience especially during the first few months to an estimated average on how many pins I would need to exchange with the other exchange students when I meet them at conferences or events. Yes, the picture above are of the 220 pins that I painstakingly made over a few quiet nights and who knew it was quite this difficult to source for tiny Malaysian flags.

10 Things that may most likely to happen/be true if you're ever going on a Rotary exchange to Ecuador, *according to rotex blogs:

1. Sometimes your host family's house doesn't have an address and getting yourself home can be tricky.

2. You wouldn't understand a single word uttered in class no matter how many years you've              been studying the Spanish language. 

3. There's going to be a language camp in a 5 star resort in Mompiche, where you're apparently going to speak more English than Spanish. Also Germans make up half of the population of exchange students and the Taiwanese are the only Asian exchange students, not that it matters.

4. Concerts are realllly affordable. 

5. Ecuadoreans throw parties every weekend.

6. You're probably going to be a Latin dance expert by the end of your exchange. 

7. Football is a thing. Duh.

8. Anything that isn't manufactured or grown locally is priced sky high. (Side note: I may return  draped in llama wool, topped a woven straw hat and requesting for cuy.)

9. Don't expect high speed wifi and the connection has got some major mood swings.

10. Sometimes there's no hot water to shower with.

*I can't wait to do a more in depth post on this once I've actually experienced or myth busted everything on the list.

What I've been enjoying most throughout the entire preparation stage has been taking up the language of my host country, Spanish. It was advised that I take formal Spanish lessons but I had come across a free app called Duolingo a few months back when I was interested in picking up German and I found it a lot easier to follow and grasp as compared to expensive language learning software like Rosetta Stone. 

It actually made language learning addictive, I would be going through a few lessons whenever I had free time and one of my favorite concepts about it is being able to "duel" other Duolingo users that are at your level, basically it's revision but a whole lot more fun since there's a challenge given. I don't usually rave about things, let alone apps this way but you could say that this is my latest obsession and having completed the entire Spanish course was just plain devastating, it was almost like Augustus Waters at the end of the Imperial affliction and not believing that it had ended. 

Also you never realize how much of the world around you is in a certain language until you learn it, it feels as though a dark veil has uncovered over the way I see the world, okay that may be a little exaggerated but at least I now understand the subtitles in that movie I not so legally downloaded, the occasional Spanish quote on weheartit and being able to properly understand the countless Spanish art and cake decorating blogs makes you feel nothing less than triumphant.

38 DAYS.

Close your eyes and hold out your hands

Closing my eyes and holding out my hands, I think that describes just exactly what my approach to life has been over the past few months and yes, it does in a way sound excruciatingly naive but I'm starting to see how it works. 

If I had let fear overcome my desire to delve into any possible opportunity I probably wouldn't even have giving a second thought about trying out for the Cake Challenge Malaysia competition, which was exactly what I did for the past few years when I had heard about the competition since it very clearly stated in the fine print that the finalists had to complete the last tier of their entry live and I just didn't feel as though I possessed adequate experience to compete under a limited time frame but this year I decided to close my eyes and hold out my hands to accept what life brings me. 

After I had got chosen as one of the few finalists I constantly felt as though as my competition entry wasn't good enough and that I would never be able to exceed what I had accomplished at the 2011 ICCA wedding cake competition, by what I had accomplished I really do mean the techniques I was able to invent and the entire composition of the cake. That feeling that settles at the bottom of your heart that puts you into a state where you could never become anything more was unnerving and it was set in concrete throughout the preparation stage as I felt that I was constantly referring back to the techniques I had executed on that piece and then having to force yourself to improve on it because you couldn't bring yourself to copy off a thirteen year old, even if that thirteen year old was yourself. 

Yes, you're probably wondering why would I would actually chose to regress in a way instead of getting inspiration from other artists or objects around me to actually progress. During the first few days of preparation I did the necessary bit of research to keep myself up to date with the latest winning competition cakes, which really only proved to be useful in mentally pointing out where my fellow competitors had extracted their ideas and techniques from as whenever I tried to apply those techniques onto my cake it would have an 80% chance of winding up in the trash because I would step away from my cake, tilt my head to the left and right and come to a conclusion that it really didn't come from me but that celebrity cake artist instead.   

Like everything else, I realized all I needed to remember is to keep a decent balance between the two to avoid any further inner conflict. 

Though it wasn't the first time, I've been receiving telltale signs that I wasn't as passionate about cake decorating as I had been before for instance I honestly did not have a halfway acceptable theme aside from it being royal and dripping in primary colors because it seemed like a slightly challenging color combination to work with or a name for my cake, two things which I found as important as the cake itself and which I would take pride in sharing how I had come up with it and what had inspired me but no, this time it felt as though my thoughts had vacated my mind. 

Oddly as time passed I was slowly filling that vacant space in my mind with a clear picture on what I wanted my finished creation to look like, though I had never done any proper research on those few topics I knew it was going to be a fusion of stained glass and oriental royalty. I shall assume that my creative gears are merely taking a little longer to shift into place and even more time to start whirring.    

I do feel that this cake slightly reflects my current state of mind, from the way the tiers seem almost identical to my scattered thoughts and ideas and the striking colors resemble the way I've been looking at life from a different perspective and it gives the most mundane moments and objects a new, more vivid form. To me the cake competitions I've entered throughout the past four years has never been purely for the golden trophy or the way people spend time admiring your entry or that surge of adrenaline and raw excitement you get when you get interviewed, all along I really do think that during the period of time I spend working on my entry is when I get a true sense of self, getting in touch with my inner most thoughts and basically it's a two week journey of rediscovering who you are all over again which is something I realized I need to go through annually in order to keep myself sane. 

Also the live competition was the direct opposite of the Masterchef scenario I had in mind, with cake being thrown around and contestants running riot. I was never too good with time management or estimating the amount of time I would need to complete a project and I had actually finished my cake an hour before we had to officially lay our piping bags to rest, which was surprising. I should time myself when I work next time. 

I had feared live competitions all along for nothing, now I really am glad I decided to close my eyes and hold out my hands because what gets placed in your hands can be magical. 

On the side note, I do hope that I'd be able to start blogging again for good since Ecuador is a mere three months away and I do want to keep a little travel log on my adventures anyway. And reading through my older posts gives me cringe attacks but they do seem like a brilliant memoir of the past. 

I'm on the pursuit for adventure

Goodness knows made bought me here again after abandoning my blog after all this time. Maybe it is because I wanted to check if I am still capable of writing more than one worded photo captions on face book, or maybe it's because for the past weekend or so I have been feeling very motivated and slightly inspired in the art and literature department.
Anyways, I suppose this shall be a quick update about what's been been revolving around the cuppy headed world, besides the fact that I have been obsessing over indie rock fashion and DIY bohemian inspired feathery headbands, seriously though I can spend hours scrolling through pictures of weird indie /bohemian inspired fashion and hipster type quotes in german that I find somewhat amusing, what has become of me. Or maybe this post shall just be a short reminder that I still exist and have yet to be completely taken over by feathered accessories.

Apart from tearing apart old t-shirts and converting them into colorful headbands, which have convinced my family that I might join an indian tribe sometime in the near future or perhaps at least start practicing rain dances around the house, I have been drawing a whole lot more as compared to the past few months and I have completely given up using my once favorite Stabilo 0.4 ink pens for willow charcoal sticks and 2b pencils. I don't recall what made me switch art mediums but I guess it was partly due to boredom and the fact that I wasn't really good with ink and I wanted to try something new altogether.

Honestly, I haven't actually studied or observed artists using pencils and charcoal because I am such a lazy creature and also it literally takes an hour to load a youtube video with the extremely slow Port Dickson wifi speed I am blessed with, so I guess I can proudly say that I picked up whatever pencil and charcoal skills through a whole lot of trail and error and not to mention the amount of wasted paper! Also, until I immersed myself into creating art with these relatively new art mediums (Or at least that's what they are to me since I never would have given it a second thought before.) I never would have realized how important an eraser was, especially to create highlights. And erase mistakes, doh. The next step I'd be taking would probably be to use color pencils and hopefully be able to invest in a nice creamy set of color pencils that would hopefully work better than the cheapo ones I find scattered across my brother's desk. Then again, it could just be me not having enough skill to be able to blend the colors properly, go figure.

Ah, I remember now. It was because I was slowly getting sucked into the world of realistic human portraits, with a tinge of surrealism and ink pens limited shading and whatnots since I was, and still am pretty much useless at controlling ink. At the same random pencil using artists decided to appear all around, so I decided to give it a shot. I don't think I would ever go back to drawing with ink pens or start doodling henna inspired art again, or maybe I would one day since I once sworn that I wouldn't never step back into the cake decorating industry but I did and I probably created more birthday and wedding cakes for the past two months than I have throughout the past few years. Sometimes I do wish I weren't so fickle about the decisions I make.

A couple of days back I got the last of the Rotary youth exchange forms filled up and I was told that I would be departing for a year in Ecuador on the 22nd of August next year, that was probably the moment when everything started feeling scary and at the same time excitingly real! Since I have got a little less than a year till my departure to the land of spitting llamas and ancient  galapagos tortoises, you could say that I have prepared a list of some of the things I wanted to experience in Malaysia or just things I am looking forward to, since I wouldn't be around for an entire year and at the same time prepare myself for a journey to a faraway land. To start off I decided to pick up Spanish, I had no idea it was such an easy and enjoyable language to learn!

The decision to go to Ecuador instead of Germany was pretty sudden. Sudden as in I said yes over a two minute phone call in the middle of a hectic marketing game played during MYC13, I was bought over the moment I heard that the exchange students would be able to visit the Amazon rainforest, Galapagos islands, Machu Pichu and some other places I did not catch on that brief phone conversation! Besides almost all the previous exchange students went to either somewhere in the European region or Japan, so it would be nice to be one of those that venture outside the box!

Carrot Guppy Head's to do list of shenanigans before Ecuador:

• RYLA13. I actually got chosen as one of the facilitators this year! So I suppose writing that insanely lengthy e-mail to them about my "abilities" was worth it, though I was fan-girling about how much I loved RYLA12 and the experiences I had for at least three quarters of it! I can't wait to see what's in store for me this year since I've stepped up the ladder, hm.
• OUTWARD BOUND. I swear, I attend every single camp I lay my eyes on but this particular camp sounds like heaven on earth for outdoor loving, adventure junkies!
• VOLUNTEERING at Zoo Negara and the Ma Daerah turtle sanctuary. It's amazing being in an environment where you are surrounded by people that have the similar love for wildlife conservation and nature, being able to observe how things are managed and operated behind the scenes and constantly learning to fuel what you are passionate in. 
• MT. KINABALU. Training for it, pushing my limits and conquering a mountain sounds thrilling!

For the past two months or so, change (Such as how I am able to do a proper bridge without sounding like a dying pterodactyl and being able to tie a top knot that doesn't come loose in two seconds.) and fascinating discoveries were ever present, you could say I am feeling very much happier and wholesome now than I have been for the longest period time.
It could be due to the fact that the future doesn't seem so blurred and foggy anymore and maybe it is because I finally accept who I am without the need to feel embarrassed when people start bashing my dreams.
And it feels amazing.