Speaking of which.

So, I've just gotten home from my first speech and I feel a massive sense of self satisfaction, my head is pretty much exploding with random thoughts, so many that I can't register most of them so they are pretty much useless, heh.
I had also just realized my supposedly cake decorating blog has morphed into a personal, diary like blog about my whatever is in my head, really.

It pretty much feels like today or to be more accurate, tonight is the start of the new year because I actually feel as though something has "magically" changed in me, that feeling that I had always thought would happen when a new year begins or a birthday passes.

Basically, today I had to give a speech and presentation about my experience in RYLA to my sponsoring Rotary club as a report like thing and I have been dreading it from the moment I was told I had to do it since I had a rather traumatizing experience of speech giving when I was twelve and I had to go on stage and thank people who had help made the the winning possible, just because I had won second place in some teen cake decorating competition with a rather dull "go green" theme.
My entire body was shivering in fright as I was gripping a little too firmly onto a sheet of paper that had a few names and a few sentences of what I wanted to say written on it, I thought my knees were going to give way.  I could barely form words without tripping over them and to make matters worst I was speaking in a shopping mall so there was a huge crowd around me with the camera flashes going off. I ended the "speech" with a tear-streaked face and a "thank you" was forced out through sobs as I walked down the stage and started bawling even more.
I guess you could say that was my first "speech" but I wouldn't exactly consider it one since I didn't exactly speak.  I wanted to be swallowed up by the stage so very badly.

For about two years, public speaking has been one of my biggest fears, ever. And I have been trying oh-so-very-hard to rid of it since I think it's a pretty important life skill to have and I really didn't want to end up being twenty and still not be able to speak to a large audience on stage but I just tend to procrastinate a lot when it comes to things I highly dislike because I am just not a very courageous face-your-biggest-fear type of person.
But that took a drastic change during RYLA.
RYLA stands for "Rotary Youth Leadership Award" but has absolutely nothing to do with awards and please don't ask me why it is there, it's pretty much a youth leadership camp which I happened to be more or less forced or highly persuaded into going to by my Dad since he is a Rotarian and his club had a lack of 17-30 year olds to sponsor so he roped in his -coughcough- daughter and a few of her poor favoritest female humans. Gosh, that came out sounding terrible. Oh well.

Anyways, RYLA was probably one of my biggest highlights of 2012 I think, as it was an overall dull year because of "things", I can't believe I was so reluctant to leave the comforts of my home and wifi for some leadership camp in the middle of Raub, on some Benum Hill that was meant for "youth" 17-30 and on top of that it was probably filled with the need to speak on stage and there was something on the itenary that was called "talent night" which worries me quite a bit but at least they had a total of six meals per day which did surprise me. *Sarcastic smile

Aside from all that meeting rather inspiring people, uber interesting gossip sessions during meal times with the ace gang, visiting an old folks home which happened to be a terrible excuse for a "home" as it wasn't in the slightest bit homely or comfortable,"partaying" till three or four in the morning, impromptu catwalking, inspiring talks and extremely boring ones that quite literally put me to bed, "jungle tracking" more like walking up a muddy dirt road with a slight mist of rain falling to refresh you but surprisingly there were quite a few rather unfit youth that found it challenging and day filled with kayaking, flying foxing and high rope walking.

Yeah, that pretty much describes an amazing four day camp way too briefly, I am too lazy to elaborate anyways but something pretty much changed me during camp and it sparked during one of the first "talk" sessions we had to attend and it was basically about discovering yourself and the leader within you or somewhere along those lines.

We had to take this little test during the session that was run by Leaderonomics and it just defines if you were either an introvert or an extrovert and there were four other categories after that.
I had already known I was an introvert long before camp and what my strengths and weaknesses were so I didn't find the session all too interesting but there was something our speaker said that created that little spark inside of me and it was something around "It doesn't matter if you fell under being an introvert or an extrovert, a good leader has both qualities in them".

So that got me thinking about a "quality" that fell under the extrovert category which I very clearly have yet to level up and obtained, speaking on stage.
Well, since extroverts are more or less known as better speakers and introverts are better listeners, it's kind of true I guess and this coming from an introvert.

Since I was in a leadership camp which emphasizes on leadership skills and personal growth in youth, I decided to set a goal for myself to achieve in four meagre days and it obviously is to overcome my ginormous fear of speaking on stage.

Fast forward a couple of days, talent night was approaching, I was running out of time to fulfill the goal I had set for myself and my team, the Ravens were planning to perform a sketch that night which we all agreed on since you could incorporate singing, dancing and acting into it and I guess the more you incorporate into a performance, the more interesting it gets!

 The basic rather wonky story line with loads of laughs thrown in was about three young siblings, two sisters and a brother. The little brother gets lost one day while wandering into the woods looking for a missing ball and a Pontianak magically appears right in front of him saying that she is hungry and she wants him as her next meal but the little brother asks her to wait as he orders pizza for her since he claims it tastes better than he does but she didn't end up enjoying it so she tied the boy up and started preparing to cook him. Meanwhile the sisters started to realize their brother went missing so they started looking for him and they had found him with a very hungry and angry looking Pontianak.
They ended up calling a Bomoh ahahaha this is hilarious over to help rescue their brother and after loads of fighting the Bomoh had finally figured out the Pontianak's weakness and summoned a "hot guy" and eventually made "peace" with the Pontianak and everyone lived happily ever after.

So, the moral of the story is Pontianaks want to be loved and to live happily ever after too that um, you should probably make peace with people or something like that.

I was the Pontianak character and I probably would have taken up a role that involved very little stage appearance but I had brought my special effects makeup kit along with me since I was supposed to go for Comic Fiesta the day after camp with the beloved Bloohippo but me being a terrible giraffe didn't and it would be easiest to apply Pontianak like makeup on myself and I just decided to well, shoot for the moon or stars or black hole since it was already the day at camp and I had yet to do anything that had put me out of my comfort zone and again, there was that goal.

When it was our turn to perform I started getting really nervous but surprisingly it started to fade away as fast as it came when I stepped on stage and started "acting".
The crowd was really supportive and I actually had fun on stage even though we didn't really stick to the script!

I had gotten over my fears of speaking on stage and at the same time learn to enjoy it, something I had never thought I would achieve and the Ravens bagged the first place!

Back to the present, I had a speech to make and a slideshow of RYLA pictures to present with two other RYLArians that were sponsored.
Dad helped me out with the basic formula of what I needed to say which I was extremely thankful for, Introduction to the topic - What has affected, benefited you and comments - Slide show presentation and speaking a bit more about RYLA. 

And he had also made me feel rather inferior by saying that a fellow Rotarian sent him an email on some "girl" wrote an amazing report about RYLA and asked if I could do better. I may or may not be dead if the girl or the Rotarian that sent the Father the email finds this blog.
The report was meh but I was glad since the Rotarians expected "meh" but I am still pretty upset over the fact that the Father thinks I have such poor report writing skills and is so amazed over the fact that the report has pictures in them. Like whaaat, I am just occasionally too lazy to add pictures to my posts because it uses up my finger strength and also am too lazy to grammar check my blog posts and I also love adding retarded whale grunts in because whales be fabuloso creatures, so I guess you have every reason to think I have poor report writing skills, heh. *Tosses table and walks away in a diva like manner

Very soon boy, a day flies by quick when you are engrossed in an amazing book, I was standing at the podium introducing myself and speaking a little about RYLA which I kind of disappointed myself with since I had to rely on the paper a little too much cause I couldn't remember the facts but as soon as it came to speaking about what had benefited/affected you, the notes were ditched and I had an absolutely thrilling time speaking and controlling the ears of successful, old people, ohoho the power surges through my veins and it feels goood!

It's strange because something I had once feared so much is now something I am in love with, I had gotten so much praise and applaud when I was done.

Rotarians saying it was inspiring and that they couldn't believe I wasn't an experienced public speaker and that was actually someone who had feared the mic and stage before RYLA and they had absolutely no idea that RYLA had "helped" so many youth! And I was also questioned if I was actually an introvert which was pretty hilarious because I am a 100% introvert that occasionally enjoys speaking to people and occasionally becomes a "fun" person because "fun" like "partaying" till three in the morning with RYLArians is something that should not be missed.

RYLA really should be something compulsory to all youth, like a coming of age like thing because, it really is a life changing camp but it also matters how much you want to be there and how much you want to change.

So, now it feels as though I've entered a new chapter of my life opening myself up to new possibilities like acting or MCing since I enjoy both immensely now even though I am not particularly good in either yet but I might be, one day. 

Like I said in the beginning, it's that feeling you always thought would be there when it's a new year or you've passed another birthday, that magical feeling inside of you which makes you this new, fresh person hybrid.

And I might take up dance one of these days as I feel fairly potato-like.

-Karen
And no, I shan't grammar check or add any pictures in this post.